Monday, May 16, 2011

The cliche geek girl

When I was young, there was a bunch of movies that had the cliche geek girl.  In the movies, she wore unshapely cloathing, had her hair in a bun, and wore unflattering glasses.

Strangely enough, they usually still gave her good make up and hair.  It would have been easy to say no make up and a bad hair color, but the movies generally did not go even that far.

It was a fairly ridiculous cliche, particularly when you compared it to old black and white movies from the 30's, 40's and even 50's.  Back then they were perfectly OK with casting a, shall we say, less 'traditionally pretty' women.  Now a days, with few exceptions (Glee actually has TWO girls that outweigh me), even the supporting cast must be gorgeous and thin (unless they are making fun of someone). 

Until recently, I felt that cliché was ridiculous.    Today I danced with what could have been the prototype for the cliché.  She was a pretty , natural blond woman, smart enough to work for a major financial news source, that somehow managed to make herself look less than attractive

She had the clumsiness of a beginner dancer, which did not help.  But I could tell that that she had talent and a love of tango.  With time, practice, and instruction, she could become as graceful as any.

She wore a dress that did not flatter her figure.  Granted she came from work, but other women managed to dress up.  Similarly, her hair was up in the classic bun and she wore glasses that were not the best for her.  

Now first of all, she doesn't owe me or anyone else anything.  If she doesn't want to make the effort, that is her right.   Even without making the effort, she was still a little bit above average.   The thing is, I don't think she knows how pretty she actually is.  If this was the movie there would be a montage and she would come out a perfect 10.   In real life, I doubt it would take more than 8 hours to fix her up.   If she simply had a friend willing to dress her up and do advice her on all the other maintenance that women do, she would been the prettiest women on the dance floor

I can't really tell her because I could be wrong.  She might know exactly what she is doing.   She could be happy the way she is, not interested in dating/attracting men/women.  Or maybe she is already involved with someone. who likes her the way she is.

Note, this generally does not work as extreme for straight men.  Mainly because the things that attract straight men tend to require small amounts of daily maintenance (hair and make-up being prime examples) while the things that attract women tend to require excessive amounts of long term work (money and status) or are simply set by the time you are 20 (height).

Monday, May 9, 2011

The Ex-Girlfriend's Wedding

The best boyfriends make the best ex-boyfriend.  I am not perfect - there is a girl I definitely don't want to meet again, and another that I dislike.  But in general, I get along well with my ex-girlfriends.   In fact I often have lunch with one of them.  She recently got married and I attended a post-wedding party.  It was fun to finally meet her husband and I got along well with them.  In general the party was fun.

But I attended alone.  If you are going to attend an ex's wedding (or even just a post-wedding party), it is a good idea to bring a date.

Without a date, I felt like the loser.  Here my ex was, married to a great guy while I couldn't even get a date to bring to her party.

The thing is, I have dated woman since we broke up, but happen not to be dating anyone right now.  I even have a first date planned for Tuesday. Clearly I am not a failure, just not in the best position right now.

Seeing someone you once cared about doing better than you can really hurt.     Logically, it should be no worse than seeing a random couple off the street being happy, but the heart is not logical.  We compare ourselves mostly to people we know, and ex-girlfriends are some of the people we know best.

I survived the party, and so can you.  At heart, I am glad she found someone she likes.  Best of all, I liked him, which made me glad that she dated me.  She clearly has good taste in men.