Friday, September 23, 2011

Things you should NEVER do.

Here is a list of things you should never ever do while dating (or even in a relationship):

  1. Repeatedly call/Email/Text someone that you think has not responded to your last message.   You get one original contact and at best are allowed one follow up with a different method to ensure that their phone/pc was working, but that's it.   There is one exception.  If you are a woman and are sending naked pictures, than that is OK. (Note, don't do this if you are under 18 - it is illegal, you will get caught, and you will regret it.)  Men and women do this.  Men when the relationship doesn't exist, women during it.
  2. A guy should never send naked pictures to a woman unless she has literally said "send me a picture of your cock."  Even then, she is probably going to laugh at it (unless she has already sent you nude pictures of herself).   I don't care if you are a mix of Tom Cruise and Robert Redford.  It doesn't matter if your penis is a thing of beauty that all women bow down to and praise.   I don't even care if she sent you naked pictures first (and did not request them back).  If she didn't ask for them, don't send them.  If the guy sending the photo is under 18, be assured those pictures will end up on homosexual wank sites.  There is a good chance it will even if he is over 18.
  3. Date while drunk.  Getting drunk is what you do to survive not dating.  Dating while 'buzzed' is OK, but not while drunk.  But only if you are there in person.
  4. Make any call to anyone you want to date after you have had a few drinks.  This is another movie stereotype bad move.
  5. Be upset when your guy/gal is attracted someone besides you.   There is a word for men that don't enjoy looking at pretty women:  gay.  Same thing goes for women (and similarly, if your lesbian girl friend doesn't look at other women, then she is straight.)   Actually I left out the word "Asexual" which also may apply in any of the cases.   Basically, if you want someone that is attracted to you, then they will be attracted to other people.  Grow up and deal with it.
  6. Similarly, if you want to date an attractive person, then other people will be attracted to them. Don't complain when other people hit on your very attractive date.  If you don't like it, date a less attractive person.  Note, this is one of the reasons why pretty women will sometimes date ugly men - but it doesn't work unless the men are short.  Women don't care as much about beauty, but do care about height - and that goes for other women as well as you.
  7. As a guy, never give a girl your phone number/card and expect her to call.  Always get hers.  She will not call you no matter how much she likes you.  Women want to be pursued, they don't want to pursue you.  Actually, there are a very few men so incredibly in demand that this rule does not apply.  Think Wilt Chamberlain. But if you are one of them, then you have no problems getting dates, won't be reading this website, and married or/and (note the "and" their ladies), having so much sex with so many different women that you should be taking anti-HIV medication every day to prevent  getting AIDS rather than to treat the disease.
  8. Expect your date to figure out something.  If you want them to know, tell them.  Otherwise, don't complain.  When people say 'communication is key to a relationship', that is what they mean.  

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Good Reasons To Dump a Good Date

Much of the time I try to convince people to be less shallow.  Mainly because I see so much of it.  But sometimes people have good reasons to dump good dates.  So lets talk about that situation.

Not everyone is right for everyone else.   There are lots of people that I know are great people, but not great for me.  Moreover, as incredibly fantastic (and modest too!) as I am, there are some great women out there that just won't like me.

These are not flaws, but instead are incompatibilities.  What makes a relationship with them hard for you might make it easier for someone else.  

So here is a partial list of good reasons to dump a good date.   
  • Children.   This is a killer.  If you want children, then you need to find someone that WANTS children.  If you don't want children, then you need to find someone that doesn't want children.   The fact that some women have to force men to pay child support means they had no business marrying the guy in the first place.  They should have gotten divorced before she got pregnant, not after.Geographical incompatibility.   Long distance relationships are hard.   
  • Assertiveness incompatibility.  Some people want their date to be more assertive, others want them to be less. 
  • Work Ethic.   More work means more money - but less time to spend with you.   Pick which one you want and stick to it.
  • Attitude.  Some people disagree about things too strongly to get along.  Whether we are talking about politics, religion, prejudice,  or something else, if you end up yelling at them, it won't work.  Figure out what they care about and see if can accept it.
  • Clean vs. Casual.   Different people have different levels of acceptable dirt.  If you are the 'cleaner' guy/gal, then you better be willing to do more of the cleaning than the 'casual' guy/gal

 These are things you need to be talk about early in the relationship.  Before you become too intimate and the hormones take over.

Sunday, September 11, 2011

The Secret to a Happy Marriage

The secret to a happy marriage:  (You can exchange genders if you are looking for a wife).

First, you must find a man that is employed and makes good money.
Second, you must find a man that makes you laugh and knows how to have a good time.
Third you must find a man that knows how to cook and clean and keep a good house.
Fourth you must find a man that is wonderful in bed, bringing you to the heights of ecstasy.

Fifth, and most important... these men must never meet.

I always liked that joke.  Among other things it points out the main problem - we look for everything in one person, when it is hard enough to find just one set of good qualities in a person.

By the way, the joke's requirements are not for everyone.  The definition of 'good money' varies for everyone, different people have different sense of humor, some people don't care as much about cooking/cleaning.   There are even some people that don't care about sex.

But the basic concept of having multiple criteria exist for everyone.  If you look for the best in one criteria, that person will almost certainly NOT be the best in the other criteria.  So you need to rank and you need to have a minimum as well as a target for most of the criteria.

Otherwise you may be looking for a gorgeous billionaires and reject two Mr. Rights, one of whom is gorgeous, "10" millionaire and the other a handsome "8" billionaire.

Sunday, September 4, 2011

Who decides

Recently I heard someone say that while it is the girl that decides if they will have sex, it is the guy that decides if there is going to be a relationship.

Lets start with the first question - does the girl decide if sex is going to happen?   Not if she is unattractive.  Sorry, but men are shallow - just like women.   Like most men, I have turned down women.  Yes, I have been turned down much much more often, but I have turned down women.

However female beauty is most closely tied to age.  So the far majority of women have experienced a time in their life when they were attractive - and therefore controlled the sex decision - even if they are not as attractive now.

It's not that all men want to have sex with all women.  Instead it is that men rarely date women they don't lust after - and being visual, we can instantly tell who we lust after.  Occasionally men date a woman they hope they will grow to lust after, but not often.  Women, being less visual, often do not find out if lust after a man until they get to know him better.

But the other side of that is attractive/unattractive is relative.   There is a solid 5% of men that are attractive enough to get sex whenever they want it.   These are tall men, in good shape, with high paying jobs, and lots of hair.  They may not be able to have sex with any woman they want, but they can hit on 10 women in a bar and one of them will put out.  Throw in then next 5% or so that can find a "friend with benefits" and that's a lot of men.

 Those men (and the less attractive women) are the exceptions that prove the rule.  So on average, it is the woman that decides if sex is going to happen.

Pretty much the same thing happens with men and relationships.  While there are a some women not looking for a relationship, the far majority want one.  In addition, women that just want sex can usually find a man who wants the same thing without any mis-communication.   But sometimes women use sex as bait for a relationship and sometimes men pretend to be looking for a relationship when all they want is sex.  Not commenting on the ethics of either action, just saying they occur.

Finally, if the woman wants a relationship but not with that particular guy, she usually ends the relationship before sex.    End result, when a women has sex and wants more, after the sex she ends up waiting for the guy to make a decision.  So the man decides - but only after the woman has decided.  Which is just like the sex decision - the woman decides but only after the man already decided.

But wait, there's more.   That 'decision' is actually just a reveal.  The woman may wait till the third date (or maybe just after dinner), but most of the time she made the decision to have sex within 5 minutes of meeting you.  Same thing with the guy - the woman may not know until after the sex whether that is all he wanted - but he made that decision in the same 5 minutes.

The truth is that no, the gal doesn't decide about sex and the guy doesn't decide about the relationship.  We both decide pretty close to the same time - it's just we delay expressing those decisions. 

It's not about who decides - it's about who communicates.