Who decides

Recently I heard someone say that while it is the girl that decides if they will have sex, it is the guy that decides if there is going to be a relationship.

Lets start with the first question - does the girl decide if sex is going to happen?   Not if she is unattractive.  Sorry, but men are shallow - just like women.   Like most men, I have turned down women.  Yes, I have been turned down much much more often, but I have turned down women.

However female beauty is most closely tied to age.  So the far majority of women have experienced a time in their life when they were attractive - and therefore controlled the sex decision - even if they are not as attractive now.

It's not that all men want to have sex with all women.  Instead it is that men rarely date women they don't lust after - and being visual, we can instantly tell who we lust after.  Occasionally men date a woman they hope they will grow to lust after, but not often.  Women, being less visual, often do not find out if lust after a man until they get to know him better.

But the other side of that is attractive/unattractive is relative.   There is a solid 5% of men that are attractive enough to get sex whenever they want it.   These are tall men, in good shape, with high paying jobs, and lots of hair.  They may not be able to have sex with any woman they want, but they can hit on 10 women in a bar and one of them will put out.  Throw in then next 5% or so that can find a "friend with benefits" and that's a lot of men.

 Those men (and the less attractive women) are the exceptions that prove the rule.  So on average, it is the woman that decides if sex is going to happen.

Pretty much the same thing happens with men and relationships.  While there are a some women not looking for a relationship, the far majority want one.  In addition, women that just want sex can usually find a man who wants the same thing without any mis-communication.   But sometimes women use sex as bait for a relationship and sometimes men pretend to be looking for a relationship when all they want is sex.  Not commenting on the ethics of either action, just saying they occur.

Finally, if the woman wants a relationship but not with that particular guy, she usually ends the relationship before sex.    End result, when a women has sex and wants more, after the sex she ends up waiting for the guy to make a decision.  So the man decides - but only after the woman has decided.  Which is just like the sex decision - the woman decides but only after the man already decided.

But wait, there's more.   That 'decision' is actually just a reveal.  The woman may wait till the third date (or maybe just after dinner), but most of the time she made the decision to have sex within 5 minutes of meeting you.  Same thing with the guy - the woman may not know until after the sex whether that is all he wanted - but he made that decision in the same 5 minutes.

The truth is that no, the gal doesn't decide about sex and the guy doesn't decide about the relationship.  We both decide pretty close to the same time - it's just we delay expressing those decisions. 

It's not about who decides - it's about who communicates.