Wednesday, November 16, 2011

What we can learn from the villains.

How is it that good men and women have such a hard time finding someone while the bad men and women have it so easy.  The bad folk have several advantages that the good ones don't. 

  1. Bad folk lie.
  2. Bad folk don't care about a lot of the things that the good ones do (job, pets, possible future, etc.).  They are willing to do a one night stand and never see the other person again.  If you look nice, that's enough for them, and they can see your likes right away.
  3. Bad folk are willing to take more chances.   They are not as afraid of being hurt, they just go for it.

 The first one can't really steal from them.   In many ways, this is their defining characteristic.  If we lie, we become the bad folk.

The second is less black-and-white.   While we don't want to start having one night stands, one of our issues is that we get too picky.   It is possible to overlook certain negative traits that we reject perfectly good people for.  Unemployed?  So we live on less money.  Allergic to their pet?  Get shots.  Plans to move?  Cancel the move or move with them.  But these are major issues, not little ones.   We still need to find out if we are a match, but we can be a bit more generous.   Look, every single person is single for a reason.   The person without any flaws is either married, incredibly unlucky, or lying through their teeth.   Because perfect people get picked first and get married early - BEFORE they perfect their perfection.  (That is, handsome, nice, doctors get married in medical school, before they become wealthy).

The last trait however is something we can really do.   No pain, no gain.  You want a big reward, you need to take a big chance.  All of us need to take our cue from the bad guys and be willing to take a few more chances with our hearts.   Put our selves out their and talk to more people, meet more people and give more people a chance.

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Double Standard

There are double standards when it comes to dating.   When we view those standards "in reverse", we get some interesting affects.

Most men don't try to be attractive.  No make up.   Our hair is never styled.   We have no beauty regime at all.  We make no effort with regards to buying or selecting clothing - and the clothing they do buy is cheap.   Don't even get me started on shoes.

Oh and we guys are FAT.   We men are tremendously overweight by the standard society expects of women.  The best looking men I know have a higher body fat percent then the pretty young women.

And most of us are clueless .  We don't pick up the many social clues women give to tell us what to do.  We don't notice who is interested in us, who hates us, or anything else.

Of course, turn about is fair play.  If men are ugly, fat, and clueless,  women are cheap, rude and shy.   Why, women sometimes don't even take a wallet on their dates.  If a guy did that, not only won't he get a second date, but the girl would tell tales of him as the worst date ever.   Which brings us to my next point...

By men's standards, women rude.   It's fine to be rude to rude men.   But the majority of men are not rude - while the majority of women are very rude.   The reason is simple - guys can't be rude until after we are rejected because we get punished directly by women refusing to date us.  The women on the other hand have no negative consequences for being rude to men they don't want to date.   They take full advantage of this freedom and men are expected to "man up" and take it.

Lastly, women are clinically shy when it comes to dating.  If a man was that shy, he would have severe psychological issues requiring professional help.  They don't ask men out, they don't email, they don't approach men without alcohol.  

The double standards are not bad, nor are they good.  They just are.      By their own standards, men are reasonably concerned with how they look, are not significantly more overweight, and pay attention to women.  Women are generous, polite and assertive.

So before you judge the opposite gender, consider how you personally would be judged using the same standard.