Saturday, June 30, 2012

Women that insist on an insensitive guy

I hate it when a woman says she will call but doesn't actually call me back.

Some people are OK with that behavior.   I know at least one woman that actually told me she preferred it.  

Recently I had a really good time talking with a woman I found on OK Cupid.  She never gave me her phone number (well, it showed up on my phone, so I knew what it was), and she said she would call me back.

I'm a pretty assertive guy, but if she wanted to do it that way, I was fine with it.   But I did want to make clear my position about call backs.  So I ask her if she didn't want to date me, to at least leave a message saying so, not to leave me hanging.

A couple of days later she sent me an email back saying that she did not want to meet me BECAUSE I had asked her to leave the message.  It said

"After we hung up I realized that I felt strange about you telling me to let you know if I was not interested in meeting. I wanted to be honest and thought you seemed nice otherwise but it was off-putting.  
I wish you all the best but don't think we will be a good match."

In certain ways I am glad she said no.  I agree that we would not be a good match.  I am clearly way too good for her.  And I mean that in the most uncomplimentary way possible.  She is not worth my time or effort.

I have emotions and feelings and am willing to tell her about them, but she cleary doesn't want that in a guy.

I wish her luck in her life, but not her search.  Because while she will surely find a guy who will hide his emotions, I don't think she is going to actually LIKE him after she gets to know him.

Thursday, June 28, 2012

On what kind of shallow is good to have

From my dating prospects, I have noticed several different kinds of shallow behavior.

Keep in mind that I am in FAVOR of being shallow.  What I am against is being shallow then complaining about the lack of good dates.

First of all note that men have a slight advantage here.   If we are too shallow, we get no dates.  So eventually, we lower our shallow standards - i.e. ask out more women, not just the hot, thin gorgeous ones.   Usually this also means we decide to not put up with bull crap.  That is, in crassest of terms, if we have to date an ugly chick, she better be nice to us.

But with women, the reverse tends to occur.  I.e.  Women get hit on, rather than hit on other people.   When they are being shallow, they don't stop going on dates - they go on BAD dates.   As a result their initial reaction is not to lower their standards but to raise them.   Which means, she starts going on less dates.

The problem is that they don't always raise the right standards.   The shallow standards are the obvious ones -height, hair, wealth, style, etc.   They are things you can easily tell before you go on a date.   So if women are going on bad dates, they figure at least he should be tall and have, money and style.  But those guys are in fact more likely to be the BAD dates - otherwise someone would have married them already (or maybe they did already marry them.). 

So some women can get into a viscous cycle gets created - bad dates = more selective about shallow things = more bad dates.

I'm going to talk about some of the really stupid things I have seen women list as 'must haves' on OK cupid.  These aren't jokes (as far as I can tell), nor are they normal shallow things such as (I'm a personal trainer/model and want someone as pretty as I am).  They go beyond the normal rules.

All of these are from REAL dating profiles.

  • Can't have watched and enjoyed all three Lord of the Rings.  
  • Height - must be at least 5 inches taller than her
  • Music - must like the same band she liked
  • NOT being creative - apparently this girl was anti-art and meant it
  • "sorry no bald guys"
All of these are the equivelent of "no fat chicks", but the women don't seem to understand that is what they are doing.  Yes, men have the same issues as these women - but it slowly corrects itself as they guy realizes if he wants a date, he has to give up or at least HIDE his stupidity a bit better.

I am not bald.  I refused to write to the "sorry no bald guys" women even though I otherwise liked her.  I've dated women like her before and I don't need to do it again.  The height thing used to bother me and I used to tilt at the windmill, so to speak, but I have given up.   Oh, I still ask out taller women, but I don't ask them out if they mention they want a tall guy on their profile.  It just demonstrates shallowness and foolishness on their part.