Every once in a while someone give the stereotypical dating advice of 'just be myself'. Then someone goes and gives me the directly contradicting advice of don't do X, when X is a core part of my personality. They are trying to convince me not to scare off 'normal' women.
Women have less of an issue with this, but they still get it. Usually in a slightly different version. Instead of being told to 'fit in', they are told to hide their light. They are told not to be smarter then men, not to make more money, not to be better at anything than a man is. Screw that. Women, listen up - any guy that is intimidated by your brains, cash, or prowess at anything - sports, drinking, gambling, praying, monopoly, etc. isn't worth your time. Stop settling for some loser with an tiny ego and look for someone better. (Note, their is a myth of men having a small ego. Not true, but I'll get into more of that later. Yes, some men have small egos, so do some women. But the average is about the same.)
The same goes for men. You can't worry about what the average/generic woman wants. You need to worry about what the woman you want wants.
I am not the average guy, I will not appeal to the average, generic women. I'm short, smart, funny, geeky, quirky, nice, and assertive. The average woman does NOT want a short man, geeky , nice or quirky guy. Assertive is a positive trait to most women, but not when you combine it with short - and nice makes it harder to see how assertive I am. (Women that want an assertive man usually want a tall one. Women that want a short guy often don't want an assertive guy.) Smart tends to be a positive - but only with women of above average intelligence. Oh, they usually like funny guy, but that's not my most prominent quality.
More importantly, when I 'be myself", I get compared to other men. The nice hides the assertive and other men are funnier, so that leaves a smart, geeky, quirky short guy.
So, what do I do? I try to find a woman that wants a smart, geeky, quirky, short guy. Eventually she will realize I am assertive, funny and nice. Hopefully she will like those qualities in me.
But that means I have to let my true self shine through and accept the fact that it WILL turn off and repel the average women. Because I'm not looking for the average woman. I want someone special.
I need a smart, slightly geeky, quirky, nice women, probably a bit on the modest/deferential side. Or maybe simply someone as assertive as I am that needs a guy capable of standing up to her. In either case, when I find her, I will hold on with all my heart.
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