Porn and Dating.

I am not going to discuss the morality of porn.  Some think it is evil, others just a harmless good time.  Either way, attitudes toward pornography is an incredibly good subject for an early conversation with serious dates.   That does not mean discussing what kind of porn you like.  Your goal is not to seduce, but to discover. 

Specifically you need to discover the attitude your date has towards pornography.  If one of you considers pornography to be immoral and the other enjoys it, that by itself will be a major problem in the relationship.  In effect, one of you thinks the other is evil.   Not a good sign for a relationship.

Worse, it probably indicates far deeper problems with basic attitudes toward sex. People that like dislike porn are more likely to insist on the missionary position, with the lights off, no more than once a week.  People that like porn are more likely to be adventurous.   These are important things you need to know before starting a serious relationship.

I wouldn't discuss it on first date, but if you are considering a long term relationship, then you need to have the talk.  Don't force it, but if you need a topic, there it is.

Your goal is to discover the following:

1)  How does the other person honestly feel about porn in general.
2) Are there limitations?  I.E.  Is it OK for singles, but not for married, is it not OK for parents, is it not OK for kids, etc. etc.
3) Can you live with their views HONESTLY.   No hiding the porn, no pretending.  Keep in mind that five years after you know someone, most of the passion will vanish.   Chances are you won't be able to 'go without' forever if you disagree with their views.
4) For the experts/stronger relationships only:  Which fetishes change the rules  i.e. ok with straight vanilla, but not ok with child/bdsm/crush/food/old/fat.   (Note, if they are OK with real child pornography, I suggest you run away from them.  But there is a huge difference between real kiddie porn and cartoon porn, or real kiddie and role-play).


I know, some of you guys are going to say "but so few women are porn friendly and so many men enjoy it"  So what?   First, that is THEIR problem, not yours.  Chances are most perverted men can find a woman that accepts (if not enjoys) porn easier than a prudish women can find a man that agrees with her.  Yes, you may be rejecting a beautiful woman you like - but she thinks you are EVIL - with all capital letters.  I can see dating someone that thinks you are evil - but a Long Term Relationship?  You have to be a strange breed of masochist to have a Long Term Relationship with someone that thinks you are EVIL.

You should not compromise your principles to meet someone else's views.  That goes for both anti-porn and pro porn people.  Yes, pro-porn IS a principle if you don't think porn is wrong.  It's several in fact - a belief in the innate goodness of sex, as opposed to evil, a belief in the right to free speech, a belief in your own equality and individual rights as opposed to being a servant to your spouse.

Worse, doing so puts you in the wrong, even if your view about porn is god's truth.  That is, if you say you accept porn, but don't really, then you are lying, and have damaged the relationship.  Similarly, if you say you don't like porn, but your internet browser history would make Hugh Hefner blush, then your lies will undermine the relationship.

To the women that are suddenly realizing that their own views may restrict the men they can date - wouldn't you rather the men be honest and not date you, rather than date you and then deceive you? If you find your morals limits your dating prospects too much, then it is your issue, not theirs.  If you truly hold those morals, then stand up for them.  If not, you need some introspection and consider growing as a person.