Secrets from OK Cupid's lost diatribe

OK Cupid once published a diatribe against pay dating sites.  They have since taken it down, but you can read a copy of it here:   http://interestingreads.posterous.com/why-you-should-never-pay-for-online-dating-ok

There are interesting things to realize from it.

First of all, apparently most profiles are dead.  They said between 93 and 97% of eharmony subscribers are no longer active.  Honestly, that seems likely to me.   Eharmonny has a tiered response system and most people don't even respond to the first set of questions. 

Second, they say an average response rate for an active profile is 30%.   Even using a generous 10% active account number, 30% means you only get a response 3% of the time.

Obviously, some people are more attractive and might get 5%, while others are less and might get 1%.   It then went on to say the more emails you sent out the less response rate you get.   They think that is a factor of just not putting enough effort into it.  A well written email takes more time so you put fewer out.

I find their conclusion to be a false.


First, that might be a bit reversed - the less attractive people might know they are less attractive, so they put out more emails and get fewer responses.   In my personal experience, men that list a height above 5'10" get a lot more responses than a man whose height is listed below 5'6".  Similarly, women with hot pictures get a lot more emails than those with less attractive one.    These people KNOW this - which is why every once in a while you see men lying about their height and women putting up old or deceptive photos.   It is not unreasonable for a guy knowing he is less attractive to send out more emails.


Second, despite their complaint about lower response rates, the more email strategies works.  If I get a 3% response by sending out say 5 emails a day, but get only a 1% response by sending out 30 emails a day, then I am better off sending out 30 a day.   That is, statistically I should get 1 email response in 7 days at 5/day with 3% response, where as I get 1 response every  4 days at 30/day with 1%.

As quantity beats percentages most of the time.

The real question is quality, not quantity of response and we don't really know if the well written attracts a better quality of women.   It may be that all the first email does is convince the women to look at your profile and then make the decision based more on the profile you put out for everyone rather than the email you crafted just for them.