I am a big proponent of communication, but too often people don't know how to do it. So I am going to discuss three types of difficult communication and give advice about how to do it.
Complaints, Compliments, and Confessions.
I. I don't care how perfect a relationship, your significant other will definitely do something that annoys and irritates you. People tend to make a very simple mistake when dealing with this - they keep quiet. When you keep quiet about irritations, two things happen: 1) They don't know about the problem so they keep doing it and 2) It builds up inside you till you unleash all hell about some minor issue that is a total surprise to them.
The best way to deal with complaints is to bring it up immediately, when it is a minor issue. But do not harp on it. After raising the issue once, give them about a week to fix the problem. If they make progress, thank them and encourage them to keep working on it. If they don't, you have a new issue to talk about - their lack of response to your complaint. Concentrate on that, not the old issue.
II. The chance to compliment your significant other is a huge opportunity. Take advantage of them, even if it embarrasses you. The best possible compliment is the "I was wrong, you were right." This is pure gold and can save a relationship. So when you make a mistake and your lover was right, eat your pride and tell them they were right. Trust me, they already know you were wrong and that they were right. Admitting it tells them you respect them and that you value them more than your own pride.
III. Which brings us to embarrassing confessions. Whether we are talking about sex, money, mistakes, body issues, family, everyone has something they are embarrassed to talk about. Even when you are in a relationship, it can be difficult to discuss these issues.
But the truth is, they are perfect tests. How your significant other reacts to your confession can tell you if they are trustworthy and if their values are a match for yours. If they keep your trust, you will grow closer with them. They should never tell anyone your confession and comfort you about how it is OK and they will help you with the issue. If they don't, they are not the right person for you and it is far better to find out NOW rather than later. But make it clear before you confess that this is something you consider confidential - and ask them to share something similar in return.
So, take my advice, bring up complaints early but do not harp on them. Take every chance to compliment them - even if it embarrasses you. And use your embarrassing confessions to improve your relationship.
These communication tips are just a small part of learning how to talk to your partner. Hopefully they help.
Complaints, Compliments, and Confessions.
I. I don't care how perfect a relationship, your significant other will definitely do something that annoys and irritates you. People tend to make a very simple mistake when dealing with this - they keep quiet. When you keep quiet about irritations, two things happen: 1) They don't know about the problem so they keep doing it and 2) It builds up inside you till you unleash all hell about some minor issue that is a total surprise to them.
The best way to deal with complaints is to bring it up immediately, when it is a minor issue. But do not harp on it. After raising the issue once, give them about a week to fix the problem. If they make progress, thank them and encourage them to keep working on it. If they don't, you have a new issue to talk about - their lack of response to your complaint. Concentrate on that, not the old issue.
II. The chance to compliment your significant other is a huge opportunity. Take advantage of them, even if it embarrasses you. The best possible compliment is the "I was wrong, you were right." This is pure gold and can save a relationship. So when you make a mistake and your lover was right, eat your pride and tell them they were right. Trust me, they already know you were wrong and that they were right. Admitting it tells them you respect them and that you value them more than your own pride.
III. Which brings us to embarrassing confessions. Whether we are talking about sex, money, mistakes, body issues, family, everyone has something they are embarrassed to talk about. Even when you are in a relationship, it can be difficult to discuss these issues.
But the truth is, they are perfect tests. How your significant other reacts to your confession can tell you if they are trustworthy and if their values are a match for yours. If they keep your trust, you will grow closer with them. They should never tell anyone your confession and comfort you about how it is OK and they will help you with the issue. If they don't, they are not the right person for you and it is far better to find out NOW rather than later. But make it clear before you confess that this is something you consider confidential - and ask them to share something similar in return.
So, take my advice, bring up complaints early but do not harp on them. Take every chance to compliment them - even if it embarrasses you. And use your embarrassing confessions to improve your relationship.
These communication tips are just a small part of learning how to talk to your partner. Hopefully they help.
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