One of the things I hate about dating apps/websites is that every single one I have found is totally focused on short term dating. Even the ones that claim to be marriage minded. If they ask about your favorite music they are trying to set you up for a fun date, not marriage.
The worst fact is that we know what things make a solid marriage. Here is the generally accepted list:
Prudes don't get along with perverts. Straight men should not marry lesbians, etc. etc. etc. Yes, I know, talking about sex is taboo. But I don't care how much in love you are, someone that wants to dress in leather and do kinky sex every other day is never going to have a satisfying relationship with someone that thinks sex is for procreation and grudgingly has it once a year. Any attempt to find a spouse should ask how often they like sex and what their specific fantasies are. The closer they match, the more you match.
Lifestyle covers a lot. Geography, work/home balance, traditional vs modern (i.e. housewife vs. working woman), pets (allergic to cats...) and diet (vegetarian vs carnivore). Like sexuality, when you are compatible in all of these, it is a lot easier to make a marriage work.
Money is another major taboo. No one likes to talk about it because to many people it is seen as a value judgement. But most of this issue is about views, rather than amount. Misers have major issues with spendthrifts. On the other hand, two spendthrifts can destroy their lives. Two misers can live together easily, but I would suggest a spendthrift look for someone that is more moderate, or they will end up in the poorhouse. This may cause some arguments, but it is livable.
Children are a major issue. If one person wants children and the other doesn't it can destroy a marriage. In addition, if one person is in favor of spanking and the other objects, that can also cause problems. Yes, in many cases one person will end up being the disciplinarian, but that is not a problem. The problem occurs when they disagree in principle, rather than in degree.
Everyone has ideals - whether they be religious, political, or philosophical. Many are compatible - Baptists can easily get along with Catholics, at least in modern times. But if one person is a rabid republican and the other a rabid democrat, that can cause problems. Similarly an atheist will not get along with a fundamentalist. Nor will a pacifist get along with a marine captain.
Finally, both people need to be willing to work HARD at a relationship. Modern media makes it look easy. Worse, when you are in the full bloom of new love, it is easy - because all you can think about is the other person and doing anything for them gives you a rush of endorphins. But once that fades you both have to make large sacrifices and make time to work for each other. Suddenly do the same thing that practically gave you an orgasm now just feels boring. It takes real effort and does not come easy no matter what you see on TV and the movies.
These are the kinds of things you need to look into if you are trying to find a spouse. Music, date ideas, education, pets, etc. are more about hooking up than marriage. Yes, similarities there make for a better first date, but they are very unlikely to make or break a relationship.
The worst fact is that we know what things make a solid marriage. Here is the generally accepted list:
- Sexuality
- Lifestyle
- Views on money
- Views on children
- Ideals
- Willing to Work at it.
Prudes don't get along with perverts. Straight men should not marry lesbians, etc. etc. etc. Yes, I know, talking about sex is taboo. But I don't care how much in love you are, someone that wants to dress in leather and do kinky sex every other day is never going to have a satisfying relationship with someone that thinks sex is for procreation and grudgingly has it once a year. Any attempt to find a spouse should ask how often they like sex and what their specific fantasies are. The closer they match, the more you match.
Lifestyle covers a lot. Geography, work/home balance, traditional vs modern (i.e. housewife vs. working woman), pets (allergic to cats...) and diet (vegetarian vs carnivore). Like sexuality, when you are compatible in all of these, it is a lot easier to make a marriage work.
Money is another major taboo. No one likes to talk about it because to many people it is seen as a value judgement. But most of this issue is about views, rather than amount. Misers have major issues with spendthrifts. On the other hand, two spendthrifts can destroy their lives. Two misers can live together easily, but I would suggest a spendthrift look for someone that is more moderate, or they will end up in the poorhouse. This may cause some arguments, but it is livable.
Children are a major issue. If one person wants children and the other doesn't it can destroy a marriage. In addition, if one person is in favor of spanking and the other objects, that can also cause problems. Yes, in many cases one person will end up being the disciplinarian, but that is not a problem. The problem occurs when they disagree in principle, rather than in degree.
Everyone has ideals - whether they be religious, political, or philosophical. Many are compatible - Baptists can easily get along with Catholics, at least in modern times. But if one person is a rabid republican and the other a rabid democrat, that can cause problems. Similarly an atheist will not get along with a fundamentalist. Nor will a pacifist get along with a marine captain.
Finally, both people need to be willing to work HARD at a relationship. Modern media makes it look easy. Worse, when you are in the full bloom of new love, it is easy - because all you can think about is the other person and doing anything for them gives you a rush of endorphins. But once that fades you both have to make large sacrifices and make time to work for each other. Suddenly do the same thing that practically gave you an orgasm now just feels boring. It takes real effort and does not come easy no matter what you see on TV and the movies.
These are the kinds of things you need to look into if you are trying to find a spouse. Music, date ideas, education, pets, etc. are more about hooking up than marriage. Yes, similarities there make for a better first date, but they are very unlikely to make or break a relationship.
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