Games People Play

Like confidence, communication is one of the most common cliches for relationships.  But this one I believe in.  Unfortunately, the most common way people screw communication up is via games.

There are several games that men and women play.   By game I mean a false communication designed to manipulate the situation.   Sometimes the idea is to "get them", others it is to simply control the situation.

Common games that men and women play with each other.

• Male construction worker (or similar situation) making crude comments "Can I have fries with that shake"
• Women expecting her date to be telepathic.  "If I have to tell you, then it means nothing"
• Fake soft rejections: "It's not you, it's me.", "We are moving too fast", "Lets be friends"
• The woman pretending to be willing to go dutch.
• A man claiming he wants a relationship up until after he has sex, then says it isn't working out.
• Trick questions like (woman) "Do I look fat in this dress" or (male) "Was it good for you?"
• Men not calling a woman after they got her phone number - or women not calling a man back after he calls.  Both of these are the same behavior.
• Don't admit being wrong.

All of these games are romance killers.   They not only kill the relationship, they hurt people.    Worse, if you do any of them, chances are you are doing other things wrong as well.   If you have ever found yourself doing any of these things, then it means you are not good at communicating and are seriously undermining your own relationships.  You need to grow up and handle reality, which means being a lot more honest.

Lets take a look at these games.

Does anyone ever know of a guy actually getting something besides a laugh from his friends by yelling out crude remarks at strangers? 

Women, if you want a guy to be able to read your mind you first have to let him get to know it.  After ten years of marriage THEN he will be able to know what you want without asking - if you have spent those years wisely. Till then, you have to tell him what you want repeatedly, and also tell him that in the future you would love it if he did it without a hint.

Look, as someone that has been rejected a lot and rejected women, I can tell you that no matter what you say, the rejected person will be hurt.  The best thin you can actually do for them is to tell them the truth about why you rejected them, as long as it is something they can change.  Too Short, Too Cheap, Too Smelly, Got lucky with someone else, Too overweight, Too old, Too lazy, Too prejudiced, Too Criminal.    Then add "and I am not willing to wait around till you change."  Otherwise what you get is some poor gal/guy believing your lies and not learning anything.  They never change, get older and die alone simply because no one had the guts to tell them the truth that they are cheap.  Yeah, you have to deal with a confrontation - grow up and deal with it.

I've already talked about the fake "I'll pay my share".  Its a trick and a lie.  If you are trying to trick me, then I don't want to date you, anymore than a woman should screw a guy that has already decided he doesn't want a relationship with her.

The trick question bit is a problem because the wrong answer will cause a fight.  So don't ask it, ask something that will give you the same benefit.   (women) "Is this dress better than the red one?" or (man) "Was there anything you particularly liked?"

Not calling is simply a liars way to cowardly avoid admitting that you lied.  Don't give people false hope by pretending you will call them - or pretending you would call them back.   You can waste a LOT of there time.  The woman sitting by the phone, or the guy not making any plans for Friday night because he left a message on a girl asking her out for Friday is pathetic.  But it's not them that is pathetic, it is the pathetic loser that deceived them in the first place. 


The final one is something a good friend of mine did with their spouse.  The spouse was right, they were wrong, and they had finally figured it out.   They spent about 5 minutes asking me how to avoid admitting it.  Finally I said, "People love being told that they were right.  Why don't you just tell him."  Don't get caught up in winning, tell them they are right. Doing so makes the other person so happy and they respect you more.  Yeah, you might have to take some ribbing, but trust me, the date will like you more for admitting that you were wrong than if you had been proven right.

P.S.  I've read the book "Games People Play", and while it made some good points, I seriously disagree with it's main thesis that almost everything is a game or that games are bad/unhealthy.  Crime is not a game.  Nor is homosexuality.  Common cocktail conversations are not games and they are not unhealthy.  Flirting might be a game, but it is not unhealthy.