Walk the Line

People vary.  We are all very different.  Most probably you don't want to date every woman, just a certain type.  But if your type consists of less than .001% of the population, perhaps you are being a bit too selective?

Normal people are willing to date a large range of woman. (or men).   That means that you may be willing to date a woman that, for example, despise men that insist on paying the bill, while at the same time be willing to date women that insist that men pay the bill.  If you have strong feelings about the check, you may be willing to date a woman that, for example, likes to run 10 miles in the morning, then after work goes to the gym for an hour every day.  While at the same time, you may still be willing to date a woman that is a total couch potato. Or maybe you are willing to date a republican or a democrat, but they might only date someone with their politics.

The point is, that you can never please all the people, all of the time.  Worse, your date will be judging you on things you don't know you are being judged on.  Clothing, money, politics, how you treat the waiter, if you are on time, etc. are just the obvious ones most people know.  Every action gets interpreted.

Hence "First Date Behavior".  You have to walk the line, being perfectly in the middle of what you consider to be acceptable behavior, at least until you determine where your date's values are.   You can't just be yourself, because the date will think this is your extra good date behavior.  He/she will assume that if you are a tiny bit rude today, that you will be much ruder in the rest of your life.  If you get angry over anything, you get pegged as angry all the time.

Now, for things you really care about, don't "walk the line".  If you are a rabid Democrat/Republican supporter, make sure your date knows that as you certainly don't want to hide your strong beliefs.   Walking the line is for things you don't really care about, not core personality traits.

As you get to know your date, then you can explore off the path.   If you don't have very strong opinions about, say politics, avoid the subject until you get to know the person better.  Once you find out your date's leanings, then you can dare a joke about Glenn Beck/Obama, but not before.

But you cannot avoid the 'who pays' issue.   If a man does not already have strong opinions about paying the bill, then one of his goals on the first date is to figure out his date's opinion on the subject matter.  To complicate things, our culture has developed the ridiculous idea that women should lie about wanting to pay the check.  

I myself feel that at least on the first date, the guy should pay, but I dislike deception.  I respect a woman that insists on paying, but not one that perfunctorily asks to pay. Some people call this a white lie - but it isn't one. A white lie makes the person that believes it feel better, not be treated like a cheapskate.   Some women truly object to having a man pay for them, and some very generous men feel the same way.   But when a traditional women dates these men, the women blame the men for believing the woman's lie.

If a woman doesn't want to pay for the first date, that's fine - I prefer it that way myself.  But don't offer something to a friend, let alone a boyfriend, if you will resent them for accepting.  Don't punish men for believing what you say.  We deserve to be treated better than that.