The Friend Zone

The Friend Zone is a horrible place where singles get tortured.  For whatever reason, one of you likes the other, but doesn't want a relationship.   I used to think that no man has ever created a "Friend Zone".   If we like you, are attracted to you and both of us are single, we want to make love to you.   Men don't say "I like you, but only as a friend."  If we like you, we like you.  

But I realized that while we would always want a fling with someone we like, we don't always want to marry you.  The guy version of the "Friend Zone" is called "The Friends With Benefits Zone".  In this zone,  a guy likes a woman, enjoys sex with her, but has zero desire to move beyond it.   I suspect that just as many women get caught in the "Friends With Benefits Zone", as men get caught in the "The Friend Zone".

Sometimes they are mistresses waiting for their lover to leave his wife (if he hasn't filed legal papers, he never will.  Trust me, no guy has ever mad a woman wait more than a month to start the divorce).  Sometimes the women are dating Mr. Wrong and think he is Mr. Right.  Usually because he has a bunch of shallow advantages, which blind them to his lack of depth.

But whether you are a nice, wimpy guy caught in the Friend Zone, or a nice, gullible woman caught in the Friends With Benefits Zone, the trap is always due to immaturity on the part of the "Friend-er". 

The male "Friends With Benefits Zone" is the dream of a teenage boy who wants what he thinks is the fun stuff without the responsibility.  By locking that in, he forgoes all the benefits that come with that responsibility: the immense amount of support (emotional, financial, chore sharing) and best of all - a child that grows up with that support.   Maybe he doesn't think he needs that kind of stuff.  Maybe he gets it from his family and guy friends.  If he makes enough money, while his career is going strong, he doesn't need the extra financial support and can even pay an assistant for the chore sharing.  But as he ages he may miss the absence of a legacy.  A kid to carry on and someone to look out for him as he ages. 
 
In the female "Friend Zone" she is looking for the classic "head over heals" love.   She wants to feel that sense of awe, - the mystery of the unknown with the potential for a movie-like 'swept off her feet' life moment.  Once you knows you won't give her that, she loses interest.  Like a love-obsessed teenager, she forgets that Romeo and Juliet is a tragedy, not a love story.  In her search for a awe-inspiring love story for the ages, she ignores the real life love staring her in her face, simply because it doesn't look the way she thinks a love story looks.   The truth is, she pays too much attention to the movies, and not enough attention to old married couples.   Real love is about support, not hormones.

If you are a man, trust me, you won't stay young and rich forever.   The younger you look for a wife, the higher quality you will find.   If you area  woman, trust me, marry a friend, not a fantasy.   The fantasy never, ever lasts.  Happily ever after always ends in death, at least for mortals.