Raising children.

Our culture has a serious timing problem.

It is designed so that the best time to start having children is in our 40s.   By then we have a home, know what we want to do with our life, have some money saved up and in general are ready to have children.  Mentally, we are prepared for anything.

This did not used to be the case.  There is a reason why Alexander the Great left Aristotle at the age of 16 and went to work.  Even a hundred years ago, we could start our working career at the age of 16.    Now, we need High School, College, and often Graduate School.  Twenty four is the new sixteen, it takes us 50% longer to get anywhere.  Most of us want to be 'established' before we try to raise children.  That used to be the age of about Twenty six.  Using the 50% longer method, that becomes 39.

Too bad our bodies are way past the prime by the time we hit 39.   Honestly, we evolved to raise a family in our late teens/twenties.   Men and women are most fertile - with the healthiest sperm and eggs back then.   During that time, we have more physical strength and better health.  Twenty years later, when our minds and bank accounts may be ready, but we have lost our physical edge.

Grandparents can only help so much - with both cash and advice.  What we really need is solid health extension, as opposed to life extension.    A good way to offer people in their 40s the solid health and vitality of their age.   Failing that, we fall back on an old strategy.

This is one of the main reasons why men marry younger woman.   If you want children, it makes a lot of sense.  She provides the health and physical stamina, he provide the money, wisdom, and basic security obtained when you are established.  No, it's not just old goats trying to screw pretty women.

I myself am grappling with the fact that I may be just too short and not wealthy enough to attract a woman still in her prime child bearing years.  I may have to give up on the idea of having children myself.   This is a hard decision.  Unlike many men, I have always wanted a child - or two.   I still want to get married, even if I won't have children, but a daughter or son is one of my biggest regrets.

I know, I have given other people the advice of adoption before.   It is illogical, but part of me is egotistical.  I routinely test in the top 1% for most intellectual tests.  I think I am superior to most people and  I want a child of my own genes.

The worst part is I know that any mental advantages I have are countered by clear physical disadvantages.   Even aside from height, I know my body is not the best in the world.  


This next part is very hard for me to admit.  In addition to mere ego, I have some  selfish reasons to have a child of my own genes.  There is a 50/50 chance that in 20 years, I will need a kidney transplant.   I am OK now - I am not on dialysis or anything like that.   I just take some blood pressure medication.   But I may very well be in need of a kidney in the future.  I have family members  - with children - that have said they will offer me a kidney.  But you can't predict the future and things happen.  Part of me thinks it is a good idea to raise a kid myself to increase my odds that someone will be compatible with my genes.

And the rest of me is horrified by the very idea.  To raise a kid to harvest his kidney for your own use?  What kind of person does that. I sound like a monster.  

Before you think I am a monster, keep in mind that I probably could just go find a woman looking for a man to father a child and pay her child support.   There are people out there like that.  I have refused to do it, I think all in all, I have better reasons for wanting a child and will only father one if I think his mother and I can do a good job raising him/her together.

Being a good person does not mean never having evil desires - it means having them and overcoming them.   Nor does being a good person mean never benefiting from your choices.   You are allowed to enjoy life, and accept biological gifts.    It does mean that your choices are based on something more than just your personal needs.  

It's OK to spend your money on nice things as opposed to just giving it all to charity. Similarly, it is OK to prefer fathering a child of my own genes because someday - if I raise them right - they might want to offer me a kidney - assuming we can't grow our own in a petri dish by then.  (Yes, that fanciful daydream is part of why I am taking a Synthetic Biology class - not that I have high expectations of actually doing this).