The Mean Kids

First, let me state that most people are not mean.   In fact quite a few of the 'mean kids' from high school eventually mature into nice people.  I bet that less than 5% of the population is mean.  Of course, the problem is figuring out who they are.

Every teenage girl knows who the mean girls are in High School.   Every teenage boy knows who the bullies are in High School.   They disappear after High School for one reason:  We are no longer forced to hang out with them in a state mandated class schedule.

Some of them mature before college.  Quite a few of the mean kids don't get into college.  Those that do, tend to go to larger schools, where it is easier to avoid them.    But even if you end up in a small school with still-mean kids, they no longer get the tactic support from adults they need to maintain their mean-ness.  College kids pick their own classes and where they sit, and what non-scholarly activities they do.  This lets people avoid the mean kids. 

But the mean kids don't go away entirely.  Some people never mature.  Worse they are unhappy with the lack of opportunities to be mean.

Until they figure out dating.

In High School, most mean kids pick on kids their own gender.  If a boy physically hits a girl, she is allowed to cry without being laughed at.  Other adults rush to her defense.  Similarly, boys don't care as much about the tactics mean girls use - nasty rumors and insults.   If a girl tries to be too mean to a boy, he might very well hit her.  Sure, he will get in trouble, but she doesn't want to get hit.  It's easier and safer to stick with your own gender.  Net net, mean girls pick on other girls and mean boys pick on other boys -  in high school.

But after High School, it is much harder to be mean to people of your own gender and dating lets you be very mean to people of the other gender. 

Pretty mean girl (and they usually are) still get picked up by men.  They don't know she is mean until after they get to know her - and in our society people are encouraged to date people you don't know rather than those you do know (Yeah, I know, when I say it like that it sounds stupid but no one wants to mess up a friendship/work relationship/etc.)

So every one of those mean girls you remember from High School, is out there making unsuspecting men miserable.  It's actually better when they reject us with a cruel, carefully crafted insult.  At least then we bought them dinner and courted them before they reveal their true colors

We all know what happens to the mean boys - they abuse women - physically, emotionally, and sexually.   They spend their time in bars, deceiving women, and in general acting like they are on a reality TV show.

But women, let me ask you a simple question:   Think back to how the mean girls treated you in high school.  Do you think you got off easy as compared to the boys?  That is, did the boys get bullied more than you did?

I bet you will say no. 

Those same girls that were so horrible to you are the ones that are horrible to us men in the dating world.  I assure you that for every guy that abuses you physically, emotionally, or sexually, there are mean girls that abuse us emotionally, financially and sexually.

We are taking all the crap you used to take - and more.  The worst part is we get told to stop complaining and take it like a man.  Being a guy trying to pick up women is not easy.  For every guy out that doing bad things to women, there are women out there doing bad things to men.  It hurts just as much, but we don't have a legal system to help us out after the pain.

I'm not saying we have it worse than you.  Just saying that you don't know we have it just as bad as you do.