Monday, March 21, 2011

The first call/email.

OK, so you played it cool, didn't come on too strong, didn't use a lame line, and managed to get the email/phone number.  Note, phone numbers are better, but an email can still work.

If you are a woman, you can still use this post.  No man I know has ever rejected a woman because she called him instead of waiting for him to call her.   Guys are easy - and not just when it comes to sex.  Yes, he might reject you, but only if you never had a chance with him in the first place.  More importantly, your odds of success are much  better than most men's chances.  You may get rejected half the time, but many men are lucky if they only get rejected 9 out of 10 times.  If we can take a 90% rejection rate, you can take a 50%.

Now what?  When do you call, what do you say?

First, do NOT call within 24 hours of getting her info.   Remember, women are more concerned with being stalked by guys they don't like than about being seduced by a funny guy that calls within minutes of meeting them.   More important, women want a guy that is in demand and too busy to call right away.   Unless she is getting on an airplane in two days, one day is too soon to call.  Six days is usually too late (unless you have called before and missed her).  By then she has forgotten you.  You don't want to have to remind her who you are.   If you lose her phone number (yes ladies, it happens), you can still try after six days, but better before.


Three to four days is generally ideal, but two or five are fine as well.  Women, I would generally use the same rule, but honestly, a guy will take your phone call after 5 minutes or 5 weeks and still be happy. Men are easy.

Second, you need a plan.   Remember everything you can about her - write it down if you need to, sometimes the act of writing triggers a memory.  You absolutely need her name - correct pronunciation is key.  Hopefully you have gotten some idea of the things she enjoys when you got her phone.

Third, get your calender out and pick a date you would like to go out with her.   Leave the calendar open, so you can change the date if she is busy.  Pick a date at least 2 days after today, but try for less than 7 days.  If you call on Friday, don't expect a date for Sunday, or the Sunday after that.

Fourth, pick an activity you think she might enjoy (see step 2).   It's a lot easier to ask her to do something specific then to try and figure out what and where after she has said yes.   If nothing else comes to mind, food is a good choice - so have a restaurant in mind.   Ideally it is close to where she lives (see step 2 again).  Failing that, something central and/or unusual is a good idea.   If you have a car, plan on offering to pick her up, but accept a 'lets meet at the place'.

Fifth, think about exactly what you want to say if you get her answering machine. Caller ID has ruined the old practice of not leaving a message.

Sixth, make the call or send an email.  Ask for her by name, perhaps with a subtle reminder (Hi, it's Tom from Salsa class.) of who you are.  If you get an answering machine go right to the date offer.   Give the date,time, location, and activity and ask if she is interested in going on a date with you.   Give her your phone number and say goodbye.  Same goes for an email. Be direct and to the point if you are not talking to her.

If you get her on the phone, then be a bit more social.  Ask about her day, how is everything.  If you feel like it, you can bring up one of the conversation topics you thought of before you called.  Then ask her out. Again, give date/time/location/activity and ask if she wants to go with you.

Seventh, if she can't make that day/doesn't like the activity/food, ask what she would work for her.

Eight, if she says yes, finish off the details such as where you will meet.  If you have never met in person (online, blind date, etc.), talk about clothing you will wear to make finding each other easier.    If she says no, take it gracefully and say goodbye.  

No comments:

Post a Comment