Wednesday, March 9, 2011

The list(s) of what you want

One thing that I find helpful is to make a list of what you want in a date.  This forces you to think about what you want, keeps you focused on it, and gives you something to throw away when you meet the right person.   

I go a step further, I categorize my list into four subcategories.

  1. Shallow Must Haves
  2. Shallow Bonus points
  3. Deep Must Haves
  4. Deep Bonus points.

An example for a guy could be as follows (numbers correspond to above list):

  1. Female, 22-50 age, in at least as good shape as I am, employed or in school,
  2.  Age 32-38 (I want kids), nice hair, nice skin, thin, doing well financially, does not own a cat (I am allergic)
  3. Smart enough to understand me, lives within 100 miles of me, has a sense of adventure, Not addicted to alcohol, Does not use any illegal drug (possible exception for marijuana), Likes to talk
  4. As smart as me or smarter, lives or works in Manhattan. loves to try new things, has a sense of silly.  Does not use marijuana, does drink alcohol, likes to talk about politics and/or science

An example for a gal could be (numbers correspond to first list):

  1. Male, age 30-50, at least as tall as I am, employed, not incredibly overweight
  2. Age 40-50, Taller than I am by at least 2 inches, good hair, good skin, dresses well, makes more money than I do, has a high status job (police, politics, Vice President +, Doctor, Lawyer)
  3. funny, lives near me, does not do drugs, gentleman, wants to get married
  4. Smart, exercises, same politics as me, wants kids


This categorization is actually pretty important.  Note that some of the Bonus Points are just improvements on the Must Haves.

One thing you can use the list is to help you rethink your priorities.   If you don't like the kind of date you are getting, then you can look at the list and decided to make changes in yourself.  If you are not sexually attracted to the dates you are getting, put more things on the Shallow Bonus Points section - or move them from bonus to Must Have.  If your dates are hot, but kind of schmucks/not fun, then downgrade stuff in the Shallow Must Haves to Bonus points and put more stuff in the Deep Must Haves.

Part of the deal here is to be painfully honest.  The list is to help you make changes in yourself, not to brag to other people.  If in doubt, be harsh on yourself

P.S.  Remember my second sentence.  The list is to help you find Mr/Ms Right.  Never use it as an excuse to dump someone.  If you like someone that does not seem to fit on the list, then the list is wrong, not the date.  So throw out the old list and make a new one based on the guy/gal you actually like.

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