The traditional system of a guy paying for (at least) the first date is unfair and discriminatory. It presumes the guy makes more money than the woman, smacks of gold-digging and is designed to benefit less respectable women the most, particularly at the cost of the nicer, less attractive men. Male 'players', find the cost of the first date is just a cheap way for him to pay for sex. Most people go on few first dates, quickly moving to a relationship, so the 'first date tax' is relatively low for men and 'first date bonus' is relatively low for nice women. But if the guy is less attractive/socially awkward, then he goes on lots of first dates, paying a huge tax just to get companionship.
But I prefer to pay for the first date anyway. Despite the fact that I think it is unfair. Life is unfair, deal with it.
First, I want to attract the right woman. From my personal experience, women I am attracted to generally want the guy to pay for the first date. If they make a good salary, they will go out of their way to split most other date expenses, but not the first one. Not all women feel this way, but I have found that the ones I like are more likely to think 'going dutch' is cheap rather than chauvinistic.
Second, I am assertive. I don't like taking a back seat in a relationship and by paying for the first date it sends a signal to my date about my personality. This is sort of the other side of the coin of the first point. Communication is very important, and this is a great way to communicate part of my personality.
Third, women pay a lot more money than most men do getting ready for a date. It takes a lot of effort for women to look good. They pay more and work harder for hair, clothing, make-up, etc. Of course, some women need less help than others, and it is unfair that the less attractive women have to spend more money. See point about life being unfair again.
One more thing - I personally dislike it when women pretend to offer to pay. More about this elsewhere. Communication is important and trickery is not a good idea, particularly for such a minor thing.
So what if you are not me? Paying the bill is not for everyone. If you already have a strong opinion, go with it, no need to read more. But if you are not sure, or are considering changing your mind, think about these points.
For men:
First, I refer you once again to Life being unfair. Deal with it. Accept the fact that paying the bill will punish nicer, less attractive men a lot more than others. There are more important things to fix in the world.
Second in my experience, few women will be offended if you pay the bill, and if they will only be slightly offended. More importantly, if they are at all persistent about paying, you can offer to let them pay the tip. It is rather easy to ameliorate the problem.
Third, there will be quite a few women that will think you are cheap for not paying for the first date. Yeah, they don't think it through - logically if person (A) is cheap for wanting to split the bill, what does that make person (B) that insists (A) pays the entire bill? Logic doesn't matter here. These women will be very offended, not slightly, and it will be practically impossible to fix the problem. Your goal is to get another date, not to be arrogant.
All in all, the upside of paying is a lot more than the downside. If you don't have a strong opinion, pay for the first date, trust me.
For women:
If you think it is inappropriate for men to pay, either grab the check before the guy or make it clear before the check comes. It is not appropriate to use the check as a 'test'. Why not? Because men pay for many different reasons, not just the one you thought of. Some men that agree with you will be playing it safe and pay the check because they don't want to take a chance. Other men will be doing it to demonstrate their assertiveness. Others were simply taught a tradition, and stick with it. You can't make decisions about a guy based on if he offered to pay the check. We do it for many different reasons.
Communication is important for all relationships, and it starts when you TELL the guy what you want. Don't expect him to read your mind, or magically pick the right answer, at least not on the first date.
If you want the guy to pay, then don't offer to pay. Don't start a relationship by trying to trick your date, particularly over something so minor. It's not a white lie, it's a black one. If a guy takes you up on your offer, he isn't being cheap, he is politely agreeing with you. In fact you should be doing the opposite - signal to the guy during the date that you like traditional men so he knows to offer to pay. It is more important to find out if the guy pays attention then if he would pay without prompting.
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