Friday, March 11, 2011

Sex on the #??? Date

When a straight woman goes out looking for sex that night, she picks out the most attractive man around and makes her intention clear.  If she is going to do this, she wants the best possible experience.

When a straight man goes out looking for sex that night (assuming he is not willing to pay), he picks the LEAST attractive woman he could bear.  If he himself is attractive, his 'least' is going to be a lot better than most, but he will still go for the least.   He knows it is going to take a lot effort and there is no guarantee, so he wants to maximize his chances.

This leads to a situation where (I exaggerate here a lot) where the men more often than not come away from the one night stand trying to avoid any further attachments with the women.  The women come away thinking how great it would be if she could have him forever.

But I am not here to talk about one nights stands, I am here to talk about relationships.  Unfortunately, that same problem with one night stands also applies.

In general, people decide whether they would like to have sex with someone within minutes of meeting them.  Deciding  on a relationship is much more difficult. Why it takes at LEAST an hour.  Now, that relationship might last for 5 dates or for 50 years.  But the relationship decision is made pretty much on the first date.

But sometimes one party wants sex and the other wants a relationship.   This has led to a myth that "Sex ruins relationships".

Nope.   People like sex.  The only way sex ruins a relationship is if you get caught cheating.

What happens is quite simple.  Two people meet.  One decides they want a relations and proceeds to ignore all the signs that the other person just wants to get laid.  Then, after a few dates, they have sex, and one of them leaves.  Boom, the dumped person thinks that sex ruined the relationship.

No.  They never had a relationship, or even a chance of a relationship.  If they did not have sex the relationship would have ended anyway.   The only reason the 'dumper' went out with the 'dumpee' in the first place was to have sex.  More often than not, the dumper thinks the dumpee was not in the same league.

So, what date should you have sex on?   Honestly, it doesn't really matter.   Do it whenever you both want to do it.   There are only two possibilities - 1. the relationship doesn't really exist and you might as well go out with a bang, or 2. the relationship is about to become stronger and move on to another level.

Either way, you come out ahead - as long as you are doing something you WANT to do, even if the other person leaves you.

P.S.  Note that this only works if you both actually want to have sex.  If one of you is using sex to try and keep a relationship, you will definitely fail.

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