Some men get discouraged because they feel that women are gold diggers. Similarly, some women get discouraged because they feel that men are immature. As I have said earlier, people are people. If you think most of the opposite gender are not worthy of you then the problem is you, not them. Raise your standards for personality, lower your standards for shallow qualities and you will see a huge improvement in the quality of your dates.
But these particular issues are more than just being shallow, they come from another place.
First, certain men ARE immature and certain women ARE gold diggers. The main problem however is that that our culture sets us up for these flaws and we have become hypersensitive to them.
Take gold digging. A woman that marries a man for money is a gold digger. A woman that refuses to ever date men that make less than her is a gold digger. But just because you conform to our cultural expectation and mostly date men that make more money than you does not make you a gold digger. Wanting a man to pay for your first date is not being a gold digger. Wanting a man that has a similar life style is not being a gold digger. At the very worst these things may make you a bit cheap, but even that is unlikely. These are common desires, not gross sins.
Take immaturity. A man may be unable to act maturely. If he refuses to earn his own money, fails to support his child from an earlier marriage, or only uses women for sex, then he is immature. But simply being unemployed, playing video games, reading comics, etc. does not make a guy immature. Most likely the guy just enjoy things that other people don't. Reading comics does not make you immature, nor does liking Dungeons and Dragons, gambling, any more than riding a bike does. The mere fact that kids do it more than adults is not an insult. At the very worst these things may make you a bit lazy, but even that is unlikely. These are common desires, not gross sins.
Second, these are things that men and women are extra sensitive about . What amusements you enjoy or liking older men does not have anything at all to be immature or being a gold digger. Our culture puts extra importance on these issues as they help to define gender roles. Women still are taught by our culture to look for a powerful, serious, authoritative mate, while men are taught to be one. As such, we in effect put a microscope to men and women, looking for gold digging and for immaturity. When we find the smallest imperfection (at least in the eye of the beholder), some of exaggerate it to ridiculous heights. I have seen men that work 70 hours weeks be called immature because they read comics on the weekend. I have seen women that date unemployed men be called a gold digger for wanting him to pay for take out.
Merely conforming to our cultural stereotypes does not make a woman a gold digger, anymore than being a powerful, serious, authoritative man makes the guy a chauvinistic slave driver. Similarly, women that go against this stereotype -support themselves and look for a less assertive man (perhaps even supporting him) are not 'doormats', anymore than it means a guy that is not powerful, serious and authoritative is immature. Yes, gold diggers and doormats, slave drivers, and immature men exist. But not everywhere.
People need to stop judging other dates so harshly on rather small factors. Tiny imperfections need to be verified before you give up on the date. More importantly, you should also recognize that your own needs differ from everyone else. You may want a man that is not just 'mature', but EXTRA ambitious and serious. Or you may want a woman that makes MORE than you. Those are OK things to want, but don't blame your dates. You need to be tell the truth about what you want, at least to yourself - in part because these things you want have hidden costs. If you want a very ambitious and serious man, don't expect him home at 6 PM. If you want a woman that makes a lot of money, don't be surprised if she wants you to help out with the housework - perhaps even doing more than your fair share.
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